No Destination

borderlandwandering
“Untitled,” 16″ x 20,” mixed media collage on deep panel

The week has just started and I am tired. To say it has been difficult to concentrate on art the last few weeks is well…an understatement. Illness, my own upper respiratory infection and my elderly mother’s increasing anxiety, has consumed me.

Finding myself the bad guy is not a new role, just one that comes and goes. And no matter how you feel at the moment, you really don’t want it to return. You want all hatchets buried, all peace pipes smoked. But usually, life doesn’t work that way even with the most optimistic outlooks. To keep my own head about me, I paint.

Lately, I have been working on paper, which doesn’t create my usual amount of texture. But it still allows quite a bit, just more visual than tactile. And because there is less preparation, I can work in the moment. Luckily, most of the layers also dry a bit more quickly as well.

This one, as yet untitled, is likely part of a new series. I feel myself moving a brush, a pencil over the paper as if it is a landscape I want to explore—even though there is no definite destination.

Do we need one? Can’t we just begin a journey and see what will happen, where we will go if we follow a line?

 

 

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So Much To Say

muchtosaysideaf
“So Much To Say”, 10″ x 10″, mixed media on deep wood panel

The hate that has been displayed and the violence that has occurred in the last few years leaves me almost without words. I used to think that today we just knew about events more quickly. This was why there seems to be more violence. But for whatever reason, people now feel free to express themselves in any manner of their choosing. In some ways, it makes me want to go back to the fifties when things appeared more peaceful—close to home at least.

But that takes us back to discrimination and hate of another kind, a more silent, behind the curtains hate. I need to remember that just because I didn’t know what was happening doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Today there is a constant ache in my chest from hearing and reading the news.

So, I take to my studio and try to release my own thoughts and feelings knowing that sometimes conveying a feeling takes more than a few words. I ask myself is color enough, a marking or two, perhaps a small image?

Nothing seems enough and yet everything seems too much.